19 hours and counting...

I've pretty much reversed my sleep cycle.

Only way to fix it: stay up for 1 day/night combo.

Progress: Shitty.

It might be the lack of food, dehydration, annoyance, or overconsumption of caffeine and nicotine, but I feel weird. Pizza and apple juice FTW! (BTW Chris, I'm eating your last pizza. You're going to Cuba, you won't miss it.)

Also, my shoulder is killing me. Need to stop sleeping on couches. I can't remember the last time I slept in my own bed during the night. Wacky.

Mmm pizza...

Music of the midafternoon

You know those songs that just sum up your mood/life perfectly? I don't find them very often, so when I do they bring me much joy. Then I ruin it a little by hitting replay 17x.

Because dancing around naked when no-one's home is more fun than a one night stand.

hmmmm....

I smell good. Like, really good.

Delightful times with wonderful people make me happy inside. But it makes the terrible times with other people feel significantly more awful. Maybe I should have gone to Brantford. I doubt it.

I helped B take up smoking. She's not very good. It's nice that I can pass my skills on to the next generation. Most of my skills are not appropriate for anyone to observe, then attempt to copy while I instruct and correct. "It's more something I'd have to show you..."

I keep having sex dreams about the oddest people. It both entertains and unnerves me. Getting laid would most likely help with that. Hmmm...

We are all on drugs.

No, not all of us. Just me!

It's called Primidone and it's an anti-seizure medication. No, I haven't been harbouring a secret seizure disorder for years, it's also used in treating tremors.

Fun things:

- It makes you feel like you're perpetually tipsy. Everything is funny.

- Tremor is barely noticeable. I think anyways, but no one listens to the drunk girl.

Less fun things:

- I can't feel my arms. Well, I can, it just feels like they're asleep.

- Hand-eye coordination is off. It's very annoying when trying to type. It's a good thing I have spell check.

- Being perpetually tipsy is kind of annoying. You need to try extra hard to not fall down and then start freaking out because you can't feel your face. It's a little unnerving.

- I may or may not be able to drive. Luckily, I don't have to be anywhere for about an hour so I'm hoping some of the effects will wear off.

Assuming they do, the risk/side effects is/are totally worth it.

I used to listen to this band all the time. Then I forgot about them. Then I was reminded of them today. Favourite song:

King of the Past

Check your watch;
You're fourteen and more.
Here lies a road not travelled before.
Down in the cellar,
There's beer on your breath.
And up off the floor,
Did you let him explore?

Check your map.
You're Louis Riel.
He rode a horse before you were born.
Out in the flatland,
The money's all spent.
And out in the field,
Your fate has been sealed.

I'm the King of the Past, but still I walk forward.
Won't close my eyes to the passing of time.
I'm in Fredericton Northern where the rivers make borders,
But planes fly right over them.

Check your map,
'Cause you've lost your watch.
It's buried under snow; its time does not stop.
Find your way homeward.
The rivers are freezing.
And under the ice,
The borders are changing.

I'm the King of the Past, but still I walk forward.
I step over hundreds of years yet to come,
While the eyes in the back of my head draw no borders,
Just rivers that channel the rain

Is it weird that I attempt to draw a specific meaning from the music I listen to? As in, I hope the artist was feeling the exact same thing/thought that I am when they wrote it? hmm.

boobs

Because I can.

So apparently I suck at blogging. Mostly because it's just infrequent. Perhaps I will take up...I couldn't think of anything appropriate I haven't already done. I'm a terrible person.

Drink- Check

Smoking- Check

Assorted bad decisions- Check

Now if I can kick liver disease and lung cancer, I will have lived a moderately exciting life before I turn 20! Yay me!

I hope I get shot before I get cancer. If not, I will move to X country and no one will ever hear from me again. Unless I am rich. Then there will be a stream of surgeons and drugs. I wonder what surgery is like. I would be good at it were it not the thing in my brain. hmm...

I should call my doctor. Supposedly, she has drugs that can help me. Worth a shot I suppose. Ack, brain.

I am clean for a week! yay quitting!

It sucks balls. I need an alternate habit to distract me. Ooo men!

I need to move away. Not just out, away. It will be good for me. I like that Blogspot continuously saves a draft of my writings. It makes me feel secure.

Is it weird that when I feel insecure, I tend to ignore it with thoughts of awesomeness? I don't think so, but denial tends to screw up your perspective on these things. Switching brains with someone would be awesome. For like ten minutes, then it would be kind of awkward. I wonder how long it would take to tap into someone's secret thoughts that they don't want you to know. I imagine some would be glaringly obvious, while you would have to dig for others.

I can just imagine how that conversation would go: "Hi, can I have 10 minutes inside of your brain?"

Someday it will be a book.

Jam Haus

So I'm at B and V's house in Guelph. I have been drinking and I have lucky charms on the inside of my tummy and a warm kitty on the outside. It is nice. (B, I will not eat all the lucky charms this time, i promise).

So my ex acquired a new girlfriend today. Frankly, i have mixed feelings. I do not envy her or have feelings of jealousy, but i am a bit confused. I was supposed to be the clever one who moved on to bigger and smarter things (and by bigger i mean taller ;)) but I'm still more or less where i was a year or so ago. This seems wrong.

On the bright side, I have several sexy boys who are fond of me, and decent in bed. I also have friends who are sexy, fond of me and are generally good eggs. Once i get into uni, get un house and start doing something worthwhile, hopefully my mindset will turn around.

Depressed Tory is no fun, I do not like her.

Perhaps some more alcohol!