19 hours and counting...

I've pretty much reversed my sleep cycle.

Only way to fix it: stay up for 1 day/night combo.

Progress: Shitty.

It might be the lack of food, dehydration, annoyance, or overconsumption of caffeine and nicotine, but I feel weird. Pizza and apple juice FTW! (BTW Chris, I'm eating your last pizza. You're going to Cuba, you won't miss it.)

Also, my shoulder is killing me. Need to stop sleeping on couches. I can't remember the last time I slept in my own bed during the night. Wacky.

Mmm pizza...

Music of the midafternoon

You know those songs that just sum up your mood/life perfectly? I don't find them very often, so when I do they bring me much joy. Then I ruin it a little by hitting replay 17x.

Because dancing around naked when no-one's home is more fun than a one night stand.

hmmmm....

I smell good. Like, really good.

Delightful times with wonderful people make me happy inside. But it makes the terrible times with other people feel significantly more awful. Maybe I should have gone to Brantford. I doubt it.

I helped B take up smoking. She's not very good. It's nice that I can pass my skills on to the next generation. Most of my skills are not appropriate for anyone to observe, then attempt to copy while I instruct and correct. "It's more something I'd have to show you..."

I keep having sex dreams about the oddest people. It both entertains and unnerves me. Getting laid would most likely help with that. Hmmm...

We are all on drugs.

No, not all of us. Just me!

It's called Primidone and it's an anti-seizure medication. No, I haven't been harbouring a secret seizure disorder for years, it's also used in treating tremors.

Fun things:

- It makes you feel like you're perpetually tipsy. Everything is funny.

- Tremor is barely noticeable. I think anyways, but no one listens to the drunk girl.

Less fun things:

- I can't feel my arms. Well, I can, it just feels like they're asleep.

- Hand-eye coordination is off. It's very annoying when trying to type. It's a good thing I have spell check.

- Being perpetually tipsy is kind of annoying. You need to try extra hard to not fall down and then start freaking out because you can't feel your face. It's a little unnerving.

- I may or may not be able to drive. Luckily, I don't have to be anywhere for about an hour so I'm hoping some of the effects will wear off.

Assuming they do, the risk/side effects is/are totally worth it.

I used to listen to this band all the time. Then I forgot about them. Then I was reminded of them today. Favourite song:

King of the Past

Check your watch;
You're fourteen and more.
Here lies a road not travelled before.
Down in the cellar,
There's beer on your breath.
And up off the floor,
Did you let him explore?

Check your map.
You're Louis Riel.
He rode a horse before you were born.
Out in the flatland,
The money's all spent.
And out in the field,
Your fate has been sealed.

I'm the King of the Past, but still I walk forward.
Won't close my eyes to the passing of time.
I'm in Fredericton Northern where the rivers make borders,
But planes fly right over them.

Check your map,
'Cause you've lost your watch.
It's buried under snow; its time does not stop.
Find your way homeward.
The rivers are freezing.
And under the ice,
The borders are changing.

I'm the King of the Past, but still I walk forward.
I step over hundreds of years yet to come,
While the eyes in the back of my head draw no borders,
Just rivers that channel the rain

Is it weird that I attempt to draw a specific meaning from the music I listen to? As in, I hope the artist was feeling the exact same thing/thought that I am when they wrote it? hmm.

boobs

Because I can.

So apparently I suck at blogging. Mostly because it's just infrequent. Perhaps I will take up...I couldn't think of anything appropriate I haven't already done. I'm a terrible person.

Drink- Check

Smoking- Check

Assorted bad decisions- Check

Now if I can kick liver disease and lung cancer, I will have lived a moderately exciting life before I turn 20! Yay me!

I hope I get shot before I get cancer. If not, I will move to X country and no one will ever hear from me again. Unless I am rich. Then there will be a stream of surgeons and drugs. I wonder what surgery is like. I would be good at it were it not the thing in my brain. hmm...

I should call my doctor. Supposedly, she has drugs that can help me. Worth a shot I suppose. Ack, brain.

I am clean for a week! yay quitting!

It sucks balls. I need an alternate habit to distract me. Ooo men!

I need to move away. Not just out, away. It will be good for me. I like that Blogspot continuously saves a draft of my writings. It makes me feel secure.

Is it weird that when I feel insecure, I tend to ignore it with thoughts of awesomeness? I don't think so, but denial tends to screw up your perspective on these things. Switching brains with someone would be awesome. For like ten minutes, then it would be kind of awkward. I wonder how long it would take to tap into someone's secret thoughts that they don't want you to know. I imagine some would be glaringly obvious, while you would have to dig for others.

I can just imagine how that conversation would go: "Hi, can I have 10 minutes inside of your brain?"

Someday it will be a book.

Jam Haus

So I'm at B and V's house in Guelph. I have been drinking and I have lucky charms on the inside of my tummy and a warm kitty on the outside. It is nice. (B, I will not eat all the lucky charms this time, i promise).

So my ex acquired a new girlfriend today. Frankly, i have mixed feelings. I do not envy her or have feelings of jealousy, but i am a bit confused. I was supposed to be the clever one who moved on to bigger and smarter things (and by bigger i mean taller ;)) but I'm still more or less where i was a year or so ago. This seems wrong.

On the bright side, I have several sexy boys who are fond of me, and decent in bed. I also have friends who are sexy, fond of me and are generally good eggs. Once i get into uni, get un house and start doing something worthwhile, hopefully my mindset will turn around.

Depressed Tory is no fun, I do not like her.

Perhaps some more alcohol!

rum at 2 AM may or may not prove to be a good idea...

i had the happiest weekend. I saw a friend I hadn't hung out with in some time, soaked up some vitamin D, and was threatened by an old man with a maple syrup bottle.

I have a tasty pina colada cooler. It is tasty. I really want chicken strips :)

So I am teaching a friend of mine how to enjoy alcohol in return for piano lessons. Should be good times!

I need both a Cosmo magazine and a drink...I need sexy advice and in the absence of girl-friends who have such knowledge, I need a Cosmo.

So apparently I'm posing for a friend picture-takingness. good times? we shall see.

I'm listening to Marianas Trench. I like this song *inserts lyrics*

You never really wanted it

You'll settle for a bit of it

We started with a big bang

And now it's comming back again

Hey, don't you feel it now?

My shiny side down

Hey, burning brighter still

And you're getting sick

And you're feeling it

It'll wear you down and wear you down

You chase it, breathing in and out and in and out

They'll push you up against the wall, against the wall

You didn't think you'd feel it all but you were wrong about it

Push

It's actually about heroin addiction but i like it.

LIBRARY!

i am sitting in the KPL (kitchener public library) and it is lovely. I love libraries. They embody everything that is good in the world. There is a man with crazy hair over in the corner. I don't know if i should compliment him on it? Would he be offended? I will just remain in awe from afar.

this is a comfy chair.

My neck really hurts. perhaps from sitting up all night watching films? probably...

trying to scout out an outlet so i can plug in and recharge. so far nothing...oh well i have 26 mins of battery left.

I hate people who talk on their cell phones in the library. There is a big sign in the front that says turn it off so TURN IT OFF! maybe if i throw this book he will shut up.

he's talking about Heroes. Asshole.

Did i mention i love the library? Someday i will go through with a shopping cart and check out all the books that look remotely interesting to me. Then i will take three weeks and read them all! librarians tend to hate me

i want fish and chips.

phone man wants someone to move out. wasnt paying attention. dont care.

If the library was a person, I would marry it.

Know who was cool? Machiavelli. I have his book, the Prince, but I have yet to read it. It's funky and purple. Ooo this music is so funky, it makes me want to obey the law!

Should i move next to cute studious looking boy who also is using a mac? He's hogging the closest outlet...I think i shall.

Enjoy, B!

1 Day=2 posts!

Because I Can

So I enjoy my friends and our mildly odd practices.

Pour example:

The majority of teens/twenty-somethings spend their weekends partying and getting wasted. While we partake in those activities from time to time, most days we sit in fast food places pondering our existence, and discussing improper pluralization. I think more fun is had when alcomohals are not involved.

I like to think it's because we are more intelligent. Perhaps we're just boring.

it is the most gorgeous day outside!!!!

I love my house. More specifically, the space surrounding my house. The rain has made it super green and all the trees are blowing in the breeze. *sigh* Happiness.

I am aware that my blogs tend to flow towards the more depressing and angsty. I have yet to determine why this is. I shall try to make it stop.

I has Peach Mango Fuze!!! Delicious! I think I will take up the study of adjectives. It really is quite intriguing. Or not...I'm a nerd.

I think I will go play outside. Morris also loves the sun! We will go on adventures! (for newcomers, Morris is my cat).

and so...

so i'm pro at multitasking. I want to know if this is a good thing to put on my resume or not. Some people think it implies work is done sloppily but i disagree.

apparently I have commitment issues. Shocker, I know, but I never really thought about it a lot...i can't even commit to a habit. (see Tory's inconsistent smoking)

*ponders*

*denial*

*moves on*

perhaps i will move away. Spain is nice. Also France. Need to brush up on my languages if that is to be the plan.

good lord my head feels funny. and there is a crazy rushing in my ears. It's been there for a while and I'm wondering if I should be worried. Probably not.

So I can't sleep. The past few weeks I go to bed, lie awake for three hours (at least) and then wake up intermittently for fear of sleeping through my alarm. And I always sleep through my alarm. Also my dreams are the stuff of acid trips. Although, not gonna lie, hot boys wrestling wolves = pretty freaking awesome. I might be sick.

I need a job.

I think I'm on the edge of having an anxiety attack. I'll just break down in the middle of the mall or something. "I just want to be a buttercup!" Kudos to me though, I manage to hide my crazy quite well, I think. Or not.

I discovered Sugar Mountain this weekend. Goodbye good dental health!

So tired...

so 2010 eh? kind of a fun number.

i have been unemployed for three weeks this sunday. and its valentine's. are the two related? not really. i do not like being unemployed mostly b/c i get bored quite easily and then i end up being angry and frustrated with everything around me.

i had a minor epiphany at bible study last night. perhaps the reason i have very few romantic tendencies etc is b/c i have the gift of singleness. personally i like to think of it more as a super-power. But Paul had a good point. life is significantly easier for a single person. if you feel that you should pack up and move to Indonesia, you can with fairly little hassle. Less hassle than say, moving a family of seven.

Also having a bf/husband means taking the initiative to please other people and take care of them. Not exactly my fortes.

im interested to see how this singleness business will work out. in the past, it has just been an excuse to make out with strangers and general bad decision making. perhaps this will be a new leaf that i will flip. we shall see.

my cat is preggers. it makes her paranoid. she'll probably sell the kittens for crack. what a crazy cat. i saw a st bernard last night where there ought not to have been one.